Hello. It’s Belinda.
I do not know what to say about this week. I am at my wit’s end, if you want to know the truth. Eating so much hay my face hurts. Which I suppose is taboo for a spokesrabbit to say but regardless.
In fact, figuring out what I’m supposed to do and not do in this job is the point. It’s the reason I’m in a mood.
From the first day on the job, I’ve been “playing it by ear.” No job description so I just do whatever feels natural. Testing all the products. Posing for photos. Answering questions on Facebook. You name it.
My one-year anniversary is Labor Day weekend so I must be doing something right. I made it this far plus I even got promoted.
So this week I thought I would stretch myself a bit. Show some initiative with a project without being asked.
And the whole thing backfired.
It all started when I asked my agent if I could work at her house for a few days. To get away from my roommate and my boyfriend’s companion and the talking.
My agent set me up in her office. She gave me three kinds of timothy hay, a digging box and a stack of reports to review.
“There you go, Belinda. If you need anything, just thump.”
She closed the door behind her and I got to work.
A few hours later, she knocked and came in carrying a little plate.
“Here’s some of that top-secret herb and flower mix. I noticed how much you liked it at your Hay Moon party.”
She placed it on the floor and walked out.
I dug into it immediately. Not sure when this new blend is “going live” but I predict it will be a huge hit.
All the blends are good—Zen Tranquility, Vita-licious, Flower Power Berry Boost. But this one has chamomile, clover blossom, rose petals and buds, hibiscus, lavender, elder flowers and I don’t know what else.
When I finished eating and I turned back to my papers, I couldn’t stop thinking about the way all those flowers tasted. Hard to focus on spreadsheets when you have a craving for elder flowers.
That’s when it hit me. I’m a spokesrabbit. My job is to spread the word about Small Pet Select to rabbits and vice versa.
So I spent the next three hours working on the marketing plan for the new herbal flower mix.
To be honest, I spent the entire time coming up with a name. I found a thesaurus on the bookshelf, which helped when I ran out of new words for “blend” and “mixture.”
I submitted about 25 names to my agent.
They were all good, but my favorites were:
- Floral Flakes
- Shredded Petals Mix
- Flower not Flour Blend
- Posy Fusion
- Hush Hush Roommate Mix
- Mélange de Fleurs Biologiques
You might be wondering about the last one. It means “organic flower mix.” Which is fine but the French words are fancier.
A fancy name needs a sophisticated label. Like something from a museum.
As you can imagine, I was very excited to show all of the above to my agent.
She read the list of names. Then she looked at the design for the label. She didn’t say a word for a few minutes. Instead she stood at the bookcase, moving things around.
Finally she said she “appreciated all of my time and effort” and that my ideas were “creative.” She regretted that the company would not be able to use them as a name was already chosen for the new blend.
So there you go. I should have learned my lesson back in January, when I developed all the new products for 2018. Same thing happened then. “We like your ideas but actually we don’t like them.”
I won’t be eating that mix anymore, by the way.
This whole thing has left a bad taste in my mouth.
Spokesrabbit, Small Pet Select